Zephyr - Part One - Prologue
By Mistress Tsunami
Warnings: angst dark angst POV angst other stuff
beatings 1+2+5 1+2 lime-ish.  I think that's it. 
Prolly OOC, too.
Pairings: 1+2, 1+2+5
Notes: Wuffie takes the spotlight in this one.  I
think that's it.  Oh, and I'm not so clear on the
warnings, it's been a while since writing/typing, but
I'll try to include them all.  This has also never
been run thru a proper spell check or beta'd.  I never
do that for some odd reason, oh wait, I 'member.  It's
cause I'm lazy.  Oops.  Oh, and (*) is the one and
only footnote.



++++++++++++++++++++

When the mission request came in I was a little
shocked, but not surprised.  The professors had been
following the proceedings of this base for a while
now, so there was nothing odd about it coming up on a
mission.  It just...felt funny.  I can't even explain
it to myself.

You'd think that I'd finally learned to trust my
instincts and gut feelings, but there was just no
honor in simply declining the mission.  There just
wasn't any practical and solid reason not to accept
it.

I only made one small change to the plan before
accepting it, and that was that I be paired up with
Winner instead of Yuy.  I knew my reasons for that
weren't quite as sound as I needed them to be, but I
stated to the professors that Yuy had just come back
from a mission and Winner had not.  From there it
simply became a matter of health.  Let the others
think what they would, I did not like working with
either Maxwell or Yuy.

Truthfully, I just didn't want to get in the way of
the loving pair who had just been reunited, and I was
still confused on my own standing on that point.  It
was hard for me to believe that Maxwell and Yuy had
gotten together, but things work out like that, and I
was happy for them both.  I...care...for them both,
and their happiness is my happiness, not that I'd ever
let _that_ show.  It's hard enough as it is; I don't
want them to feel guilty about it.  It's just so hard
for me _not_ to show that I care.  Especially when one
goes on a mission and I don't know when or if he'll be
coming back.  Lately though, the loving pair have been
giving me odd looks, but I try to simply shrug them
off.

After I receive approval for my request, I head off to
find Winner and see the pair approaching me in the
hallway.  Duo's hair is loose, and he's stripped down
to his sweatpants, ready for bed, though I doubt that
he'll be sleeping much tonight.  Yuy's hair is damp,
clinging to his head, and he's only wearing those
tight spandex.  Damn.  I avoid directly looking at
them.

"'Fei?"  There's worry laced through Duo's voice.  I
wonder why?  Does he know how I feel about them both? 
I don't want to find out, and I don't want _them_ to
find out.

"I have a mission I need to discuss with Winner."  How
can I sound so cold to them?

"Oh, well..." I can _feel_ him looking at Yuy.  Stare
at the wall, stare at the wall.  "Be careful, 'Fei."

I nod, and that's all I can bring myself to do.  Duo
walks away, and Yuy starts after him, but pauses
beside me and stills me with a warm hand on my
shoulder.

"What is it, Yuy?"  I am pathetic.  I am weak.  I do
not deserve the pleasure of Yuy touching me.  I
deserve much, much worse.  I am being _cold_ to one of
the people that I think I love.

"Come back alive."  I don't think I saw anything for a
moment.  I was too shocked to do anything.  Once I was
able to do something more than gape like a stupid
guppy fish, he was gone.  What had he meant?  Surely
he had just meant to return from the mission, but I
felt a strange sense of double meaning that I was
missing.  That and _why_.  Still stunned, I went after
Winner to discuss the mission, feeling like a piece of
shit.  If Winner noticed, he thankfully didn't say
anything.  He simply went to go find his Trowa.  We
would leave the next day, and I would not deprive him
of his love.

Yuy and Maxwell were unusually quiet that night. 
Don't get me wrong, they've never been loud by any
count, but I can almost always strain my ears to hear
a bed creak when one moves, or an almost strangled,
quiet cry for a partner when he has just returned from
a mission.

There was nothing.  Not a sound.  I found this oddly
disturbing, not that I truly minded at the time. 
Hearing them usually gave me a hard on just imagining
what they were doing to each other, and then what they
could do to *me*.  And sometimes it was all three of
us.  I don't even know how far they've gone, but I can
clearly see how far they *could* have gone.  Back to
the subject, I really didn't mind the quiet because I
really didn't want to need a cold shower before I
left, but it was odd, nonetheless.


It never crossed my mind that they could be worried
about me.  Yuy never worried about anyone, not even
Maxwell, and Maxwell makes his opinion known quiet
loudly, and I hadn't heard a *thing* from him.  Only
from Yuy.  I still can't fathom *why*, though.

End Part One.
++++++++++++++++++++
Part Two



Duo sighed, leaning against my chest in the darkness
of our room.  "Heero, love, what's wrong?"  I can't
blame him for being upset with me, I just hope he
doesn't hate me for this.  It's not *his* fault I'm
not being very...energetic tonight.

"I'm worried about Wufei."

"Huh?"

I thought I was being clear.  "Wufei has a mission. 
I'm worried about it."

Duo laughed lightly.  "What I meant was, why?"

Oh, I understand now.  Odd, I can understand what he
wants and needs without words, but not his knowledge,
or what he wants to know.  It makes me
feel...incomplete.  Lacking.  Usually I feel so
complete with him, but now...I feel that hungering
need again.  "It doesn't feel right."  Which makes no
sense to me.  Why would a mission not feel right?  A
mission is just that, a mission.  It was meant to be
handled without question.

Duo kisses me lightly on the forehead, making the
flesh there burn, and then cradles me into his chest,
and I snuggle deeper into his warm embrace. He didn't
have to ask me twice, no way.  It wasn't often that I
sought comfort from Duo, but when I did, it always
felt right.  I never felt...girlish.  "I know, love,"
Duo's reassuring whisper reaches, "I know."

I feel depressed.  Despite what anyone else thinks,
Duo and I have not had sex yet, and never have before.
We were going to ask Wufei to join in our
relationship tonight, and then later for our first
times in that intimate action, but he had been so
cold.  It just didn't feel right, and I think he felt
it too.  We got scared off, to put it simply.  We were
waiting until after the war to consecrate our
relationship, hopefully _relationships_, but we needed
to *have* one before that could happen.  I wish the
war would end soon.

How had I strayed so far from the mission?  Why did I
even care for these people?  Those were questions I
had no answers for.  All I could tell you is that it
felt *right*, and that was enough for me.

Duo and I didn't get much sleep that night, and our
usual teasing foreplay after a successful mission was
abruptly canceled.

I just couldn't place my worry.

The next morning, 'Fei was gone.  Not a word, not a
note, just Trowa fixing dinner and saying that they
should be back in three day's time at the most.  I
felt disappointed, to say the least, and it was all I
could do not to go running after him.  Breakfast was a
short affair, and I found comfort in my koi's arms
shortly afterwards, comfortably settled on the couch. 
Trowa wisely decided not to say anything, and let us
be.  I knew I was working myself into a depression,
but I just couldn't help it.  Is this how Duo felt
every time I self detonated?  It was Hell.

"I'm sorry," I told my koi.

"S'ok," he tells me.  "I understand, and I feel the
same.  Your worry doubles it.  Something's bound to
happen, love, and when it does, we have to be ready
for it.  And when 'Fei comes back we're gonna jump his
sorry ass and make sure he pays for making us worry."

"But he has such a sweet ass, we'll have to kiss it to
make it feel all better, and then some more for coming
back safe."  I felt proud of myself.  I had voiced my
emotions, my feelings, *dirty* feelings at that, in an
off hand, joking manner that made Duo smile.  Yes, I
was proud.  I have a feeling that that's going to
become a running joke between us.  I hope so; it's
worth it just to see him smile.

Now, though, the worry returns, and we return to
snuggling.

I don't think we moved until that third day, when Fei
didn't come home.

End Part Two
++++++++++++++++++++
Part Three


I leaned back against the cell wall and tried to think
of when it was that this damned mission had been blown
to Hell.  We had planned it all so well.  A simple,
quick, easy, two-man reconnaissance.  Winner had gone
with me.  Now we were both trapped, caught, and
imprisoned.  Someone had found out about the mission,
or we had just made some careless mistake, I'm not
sure which.  It doesn't matter now, either way; we're
both captured, and, consequently, screwed.

They aren't taking any chances this time, either.

I'd thought that the double cuffs on Winner's wrists
were a bit much, but when they did the same to both my
hands _and_ feet, I was thoroughly pissed.  Not that I
let any of that show to any of them, anyway.

After the first day, they took Winner away, leaving me
alone with my chains and my thoughts.  I felt sorry
for him.  That was three days ago, and I haven't seen
him since.  It will be three more days before the
others will have enough time to make a move, if they
do.  I don't know if Winner will make it that long,
and, damn it all, if he dies it'll be all my fault.

When the guards returned, I really thought that they
were bringing me food again - they had been feeding me
that really crappy junk, but there are five of them
this time.  A little much for just one pilot, I would
say, but then again, I am trying to calculate ways to
escape, and they're probably expecting a fight.  Not
that any of my plans will work.  I couldn't get out of
these cuffs if my life depended on it.  Which, by the
way, it does.

"Time for your interrogation," the brown-haired guard
says.  His is the highest rank, and the others are
only two ranks below him.  Two are twins, I think,
with brown, almost black, hair.  One is a blonde, and
the last a redhead.  I say nothing as they free my
chains from the wall.  They leave the cuffs, though. 
Damn, I had to get _smart_ guards.  I am led to a
small room that is furnished with only one chair.

Forced to sit down on the hard chair, I refuse to
allow them even the grace of a grunt.  The commander
turns on a recorder placed on the wall.

"Pilot 05, allow me to introduce myself.  My name is
commander Mincier."  Commander 'to make small.'  I
almost laugh.  Almost.  "I need you to tell me
everything you know about the Gundams and their
pilots, starting with where the current base is."

I politely tell him to go to hell in fluent Chinese. 
He takes it as an answer, and notes to get a
translator.  "Since you're being so talkative, I also
require the next target."

I tell him to shove it and go hang himself, again in
Chinese.  Somewhat baffled, he calls for a translator.
That little scene would've made Duo proud, and I feel
some sort of strange swelling in my chest.  I wonder
if I'm ill.

All I can tell you about the next hour after he got
the translations is: it hurt.  A lot.  The twins had
made sure that they broke nothing, but it still hurt
like no other.  After that first hour, I was sure I
would faint, mutely cursing myself for my weakness,
but that blessed darkness never came.  If I had the
energy to rant about the injustice of this, believe
me, I would.  I never saw anyone come or go after
that, and I never moved, but I do know that I was
given a shot.

The shot of my nightmares.

Whatever that stuff was, it woke me up like a shot of
caffeine, and drove the blackness of unconsciousness
far from my reach.  I could have cried if I was not
who I was.  Any other person would have, excepting the
other pilots, of course.  It also awakened every nerve
ending in my body, sending my senses to new hights,
and my body protested quite loudly from the pain that
it had already been given.

After that, they stripped me to my boxers, and Mincier
pulled out what looked like a belt.

He snaps it across my stomach and I could not hold
back a scream.  I swear, the thing's a whip!  I was
almost tempted to look for thorns on it.

I don't think I stopped screaming for the next three
hours, and I think I was still whimpering when they
dumped me back into the cell.

I never knew a cell that looked so good.

They didn't even bother to chain me to the wall again.
I don't think I could move if I wanted to, or even
needed to, though.  Everything hurts like hell.  The
darkness is coming back within my reach, and I think I
might just be able to fall into it if given a few
minutes more.

A soldier comes in with some soup, practically shoving
it down my throat, even as I try to swallow and
prevent death by drowning.  What a state I have come
to be in, in just under five hours.  If any of the
other pilots saw me now, they would laugh at my
weakness, especially Duo and Heero.

Ouch.

For some reason, that hurts more.

......

I have no time to think on such things, I can hear
footfalls in the hallway.  Several.  Mincier is coming
back, and I strain for the blessed darkness, but it
doesn't come in time.

The door opens, and he knows that I'm awake.  Curse
him to all nine hells.  I see the shot in his hand
through a red and grey haze.  I feel my body snap back
into awareness as the drug enters my system, but my
body has become so heavy that I can hardly move. 
Curse my weakness.  There is a new person with
Mincier.  I assume she's the translator.

"Now, 05, I'd like you to answer nicely this time. 
Where are the other three pilots?"  I heard it again
in my own language.  Damn, but that girl is cold.  Her
voice is mono-tone, deadpan.  As flat as her purple
hair is not.

"I thought I told you to go to Hell," I answer in his
native toungue this time.  I can't stand the girl,
she's so ... lifeless.  Worse than Yuy.  So far, I've
only been able to mimick Duo and get the crap beat out
of me.  No wonder Duo does it, he's too life-less
afterwards to give a straight answer.  I can't stand
it too much longer, though.  I need a new tactic.

What would Heero do to turn this situation around?

Not the time to think about that.  It's obvious that
Mincier's seeing red.  I can almost see the sparks
flying, and that vien on his neck is really huge now. 
I must've really pissed him off.  The girl is sent
away, and I am left alone with Mincier, the guards
being reposted by the door.

"Worthless scum," is all the warning I get before he
decides to kick me in the gut.  If I could have puked,
I would, but I can't reduce myself to that level.

"What's the matter, can't get laid?" I ask in a
language he _can_ understand.  My sides and stomach
get a beating like never before, adding to the welts
that I'm sure are there from the last.  I never was
reclothed, but I can't bring myself to look at the
injuries.  At least he didn't ask any more questions.

By the end of the hour, I can barely feel a thing, not
even after another shot of that stupid drug.  And so,
after seven long hours of pure torture, he leaves, but
not before I am given a few parting gifts.

A broken wrist and enough of the drug to keep me on
the edge of existance for five more hours, all given
with a promise to be checked on every hour to make
sure that I am still awake.  I don't think I could've
stopped screaming for a minute of it if I wanted to.

It was a long five hours, and I wasn't given any more
food, thank the gods, I don't think that I could have
kept it down.  I was glad for the fact that I was too
numb to think straight.  I think I might have hurt
myself if I could have, I was so depressed.  My throat
was raw from screaming so much, but even so I think I
might have some more during those five long hours.  I
don't even know, it was all so blurry.  I scrambled
and even begged for the darkness, for sleep, but it
seemed it would never come.  I could never find
release.

I could hardly believe that I had been reduced to this
whimpering mass, but I am not as strong as I look.  I
also did have a low tolerance for pain.  I don't know
how Quatre made it three days.  Guilt tears into my
chest as I realize that he must have died, that there
was no way he could have lived, and his death is all
my fault.

Enough of that.  I need to be like Heero.  Strong,
sure, seperate from the pain.  I said it aloud to help
myself believe that I _could_ be like him.  I repeat
it over and over like a mantra.  I need to be like
Heero.  I need to be like Heero.  This is the night
that Yuy became Heero.  The night of my torture.  The
first night of true pain, and the night of lonliness.

Sometime during this, it shortened to "need Heero" in
rapid Chinese, but I'm not sure when.  Boy, will he
laugh when he hears of this.

I awoke slightly groggy the next morning, and I
immediatly knew it was not of my own violation. 
Immediately the phrase began pouring from my lips once
more, and I was powerless to stop it.

A sharp pain in my side caused me to cough, nearly
retching anything that might have remained in my
stomach.  "Speak Japanese," Mincier commanded.  I
wished I would just die already.  Screw honor and just
get it over with.  When I heard myself speaking the
language, I nearly cried, and my mantra became even
more frenzied, because I needed it then more than
ever.  They had to have added a truth syrum to the
drug, to loosen my mouth.  My tongue felt loose, and
just simply could not stop talking.

I force myself back into the state where all I know is
that I need to be like Heero, and it kept coming out
"I need Heero" or simply "need Heero."  Mincier was
begining to get angry, but that only became background
to what I needed to be.  And so the beatings began.

I cursed my own weakness, I cursed the drugs, I cursed
Mincier, and all the while I pleaded for a boy they
did not know.  A boy in love with another boy I also
silently pleaded for, a violet-eyed wonder that I had
somehow also fallen for.  Neither knew, and somehow
that made me both happy and sad at the same time.

Somehow, the thought of needing Heero turned into
almost a physical need.  The pain meant nothing
anymore, I only wanted, no, I *needed* to be near
Heero.  I needed to hear his voice, feel his presence,
know that he was with his violet-eyed koi and that he
was happy.

I felt sick.  Even after the beatings stopped I felt
nothing but a sick longing for Heero.  It could have
been hours, or days, or weeks, I don't really
remember.  i just remember the emptiness, the longing,
the need for my fellow pilots.

How had it come to this?  At this rate, I would surly
die.  I hadn't been able to eat for days now, not that
they fed me much.  My world was slowly fading into a
pinprick.  Heero and Duo.  My only focus.  My only
reason.

Dimly, I recall being carried away and being cared
for.  I felt safe, and allowed the darkness to consume
me constantly, but the safe feeling never leaves me. 
I must have been fed, but I don't remember it.  I just
remember waking up one day in Heero's arms, in a bed
that I immediatly knew was mine, still repeating my
mantra, though my throat was dry and cracked, and I
could hardly say a word.  I don't think I ever turned
that red before in my life, but Heero just smiled and
held me, conveying his message without words.  I
sighed, my voice stilled, and cuddled up to him.  It
was ok, for now.

I wonder how long it will last, though.  How long will
he stay away form his koi?

Duo came in some time later, and guilt immediately
crashed into me.  They had rescued me - at least one
of them, anyway; Trowa would have gone after Quatre -
and I had taken Duo's lover from him.  Another stab of
pain came for Quatre.  I didn't know whether or not he
was still alive.  I think he's dead, and it's all my
fault, but I don't know how to ask.  It's not as
painful as the sight before me, though.

I was truly sorry for what I had done to them, and
immediatly moved to get up, but Heero, damn him, held
me down.  Duo was at our side in an instant, and I
tried to tell Heero to go to him, but I couldn't find
my voice.  Fine time for it to go out, damn it, just
this last message, please?

Seeing my struggle, Heero explained.  "You worked your
voice raw.  It needs to rest."  He didn't need to tell
me what I had been saying.  I knew.  I was so very
sorry.  I needed to get away from them, give them some
time alone.  Knowing that I could not relay to them in
words what my heart already knew, I took a hold of
Heero's wrist, hoping that he wouldn't resist me.  I
am too weak to fight him right now.  He allowed me to
take it, and then I took Duo's, forcing their hands
together.  Both faces dawned in comprehension and I
turned to go away, prepared to make peace with myself
in my own little world.  Prepared to leave my feelings
for them behind so that they could be happy together,
forever.

"Not so fast, mister," Duo scolded me.  I faced him
with confusion on my face, I'm sure, for he continued
to explain himself.  "You actually made things
slightly easier for us, Wu-chan, though I wish it
could have come about in a different way.  We just
didn't know how to...approach you about something like
this, and didn't know if you would accept it."  Heero
snorted slightly, and Duo climbed into the bed with
us. slightly crowding it, but not beyond physical
comfort.  I thought that it actually felt quite nice. 
Next thing that I knew, however, his lips were
pressing against mine, lighting a wild fire in my
mouth.  Instinctively I reacted the way I had always
wanted to, ravaging his mouth in return, and searching
for dominance before I knew what I was searching for. 
I felt Duo laugh more than I heard it, and I felt him
pull away.  I would not whimper, I would not whimper. 
Ok, I whimpered.

His next thoughts threw me, but I nearly cried out in
joy as he spoke them.

"We both love Hee-chan, Fei, and I love you too.  All
things considered, I'm willing to share."

As it was I was smothering them with kisses.  I could
hardly believe the emotional mess I was in.

I found out later that evening that Quatre had also
been rescued, and I think that removed a lot of the
leftover stress from the mission.  I felt much better
about myself, and I could stand infront of my
airens(*) for more than five minutes without feeling
like worthless scum for being so weak.  I began to
feel better because I was there for them to focus on
instead of Quatre, who is, believe it or not, quite
stronger than we percieve him to be.  He managed to
come out with barely a scratch, and I still wonder how
he did it.  Occassionaly, my wrist still hurts from
that time, and Heero had to put it in a temporary
brace to keep me from using it too much.  I think he's
afraid that I'll hurt myself again.

Can you imagine that?  Heero Yuy, afraid for me.  I
think Duo's begining to rub off on him, not that
that's a _bad_ thing...

A few weeks later, when the three of us were taking
missions again, Duo himself made sure to buy stickers
for the inside of our gundams.  He put them there with
a picture of the three of us lying asleep on my bed. 
How he got the picture, I'll never know.  I don't even
know how he got inside Nataku, but I still laugh every
time I see it there.  The sticker reads: 'I've been
thru Hell and need my kois - go away.'  I look like a
beaten cat in the picture, but it is still a treasured
memory for all of us.  I'm not sure what the others'
say, but I'm sure Heero and Duo enjoy them as much as
I do mine.  Duo has such a clever mind.

And he's mine.

As is Heero.

It amazes me still.

~Owari~


(*) One and only footnote, I promise.  Chinese for
husbands.