TITLE:THE ROSE
AUTHOR: Tsunami
DISCLAIMER: The rose is by Amanda McBrooom from the
soundtrack to "The Rose".  Gundam boys don't belong to
me.
WARNINGS: Duo-torture.  Angst.  OOC Heero.  Suicide
attempt.  Wufei-torture.  Think that's it.
PAIRINGS: 1+2, 3x4 (implied), 1+2+5 hints
ARCHIVE:
http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/dragoncave/story/snsfics.html
Mediaminer under name _shinchansgirl_
Anywhere else, please ask first.  Damn me if I say no,
I'll let ya.
NOTES: //lyrics//  Please, PLEASE read the lyrics.


//Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.//

It was hard to say exactly what had set it off, but,
like it or not, Duo was in a good mood.  He was happy,
and peaceful.  Spotting the man who Duo already knew
held his heart in his hands, Duo decided to let him be
for the day.  Heero liked the quiet, empty recesses of
their room, and often retreated there after long days
or when a mission had gone wrong.  Duo knew that, and
often went there to talk to him, even if it did end up
being a one-sided conversation, but he was getting
tired of pushing and pushing.

He wanted someone to push back, and he had looked to
Heero for that, but the pilot Wing Gundam had refused
to even feel.  It was too late now, Duo had fallen for
the chocolate-haired pilot hard, and nothing short of
death would keep him from pursuing, unless it was
Heero himself.

That was one thing that Duo promised himself; if Heero
ever said that he didn't want the braided pilot, Duo
had promised that he would fulfill that wish in any
way possible, even if he had to go back to running and
hiding on the streets.

And then his good mood was shattered.

"I don't see why we even keep him around," he heard
Wufei say through the kitchen door as he passed, on
his way out to bask in the sun since they actually had
a yard at this safehouse.  "He's a nuisance, and he
drives Yuy nuts."

"Well there's not much we can do about it, unless
Heero tells us to get rid of him," he heard Quatre
respond.  He couldn't believe that QUATRE, of all
people, was talking about getting rid of someone.

In his mind, words clicked that shouldn't have and Duo
understood.  HE was the nuisance.  HE always drove
Heero nuts.  HE was the one they wanted to leave. 
Silent as Death, Duo retreated, and ran.

Wufei walked out of the kitchen a few minutes later, a
small puppy in his arms.

"Why Yuy had to get Duo a puppy anyway, I don't know. 
Why not get him something simpler, like a book or a
plant or something?"

"Oh Wufei," Quatre admonished, "Don't you know
anything?  It's *romantic*!  And I know Heero's not,
so when he asked for advice I gave him hints at what
Duo might find romantic, and the puppies struck a
chord for him."

"Yeah," Wufei grumbled, "but I don't see how it's
hardly fair that WE have to care for it until Yuy gets
up the courage to GIVE it to him!"

//Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.//

Duo ran down the streets, tears in his eyes.  He was
grateful that it had gotten dark quickly, it was
easier to hide in the dark, and easier to slip away
unnoticed.  He didn't want to go back to the safehouse
now that he knew he wasn't wanted, and so he decided
that he would find some way to make himself disappear.

The only problem was that there was no place to
disappear TO.  The safe house had been chosen well;
there was no way for anyone to come into town without
being noticed, both because the town was small and
because it was isolated.  But that also meant that
there was no way to leave unnoticed, as well.  The
only way out was back at the house where the other
pilots were, and Duo was not about to go back there.

He never saw the OZ officers that were roaming the
streets, but they saw him, and there were a good eight
men on him before he could make a move.

The air was forced out of his lungs as he was punched
in the stomach, and then backhanded across the face. 
"Pathetic slut," the officer who seemed to be the
leader said.  They didn't recognize him as a pilot,
they had mistaken him for a streetwalker, never mind
that the town was too small for them to make any
business.

"You wanna see how good he is, Lieutenant?"

"Yeah," the man sneered.  "I think I will."

Duo fought as his pants were ripped.  He screamed as
he felt hands all over his body, holding him down. 
Snarling, they cut his braid and shoved it in his
mouth, and with it a flood of memories.

Heero didn't like his hair; it stood out too much.

Heero didn't like his voice; he talked too much.

Heero didn't like him.

Duo's body went slack as he silently wept, apart from
the pain his body barely endured.  It didn't matter
anymore, he wasn't wanted.

"Shit man," a younger officer swore, as he grabbed
Duo's ripped clothes and, while searching for
valuables, got a good look at them.  "Leutenent, the
guy's a priest!"

"Shit!  Let's get outta here!"

"What're we gonna do with him?"

"Just leave 'im!"

Duo's world went black as he hit the pavement.

//Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.//

Heero was annoyed, that was obvious from the way his
fingers hit the keys harshly and rapidly, and his eyes
never really registered what was on the screen.  Duo
should have come in by now, it was getting dark out.

Hell, he should have come in hours ago, when he
realized that Heero was in their room.  The braided
boy was ALWAYS there, and talking, and Heero missed
his friend's voice.  Friend, he wanted it to be more
than that now that the war was over, the five of them
only having to clean up the few rouge OZ groups that
were left.

And now that he had finally worked up the courage to
tell him that, the boy was gone.

Frowning at the difference in Duo's habits, Heero
retreated downstairs, and heard Wufei and Quatre in
one of the rooms.  He knocked.  "Yes?" Quatre asked.

"Where's Duo?"

He could almost feel the frown through the door, and
saw it when Quatre opened it.  "We haven't seen him,
Heero.  Why?"

"It's late.  He's not in our room."

"Oh.  Did something happen?"

"I don't know.  He's late."

"Oh.  Ask Trowa."

Heero turned and left without another word, going in
search of the other pilot.  Not long after, Wufei and
Quatre joined him.  They found Trowa in the living
room, watching TV.

"Where's Duo?" Heero asked immediately.

"I saw him leave just a few minutes after lunch,"
Trowa answered.  Wufei and Quatre looked at each
other; that was about when they had brought the pup
home from the store.

"Hn," was Heero's only comment as he shrugged on his
coat and left.

//I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.//

Heero didn't know where to look for Shinigami's pilot,
and so he found himself methodically walking the
streets.  He cursed his inability to find the pilot on
his first sweep, in which he had searched all the
likely places to find the braided boy.  The town was
small, though, so it wouldn't take too long to find
him, at least, Heero hoped it wouldn't.

There was a group of ex-soldiers walking his way.  No
doubt that they thought they were still soldiers, and
the tough guys of the town.  Probably walking away
from some cheap girl they had found.  Yeah, the way
they walked suggested that.

But this town was too small for whores, even cheap
ones.

"Excuse me," Heero prompted, his eyes already saying
that he didn't trust the spoken answer.  "I'm looking
for a friend of mine.  He's hard to miss; has a long
braid about a meter long, and usually wears a black
priest outfit..."

One of the men gulped, turning white.  Before anyone
could move, Heero was at his throat.

"Where is he?"

"Well, that kinda sounds like this kid we saw back a
ways and he looked kinda roughed up now could you
please stop you're cutting off my air I need to
breathe he wasn't that bad, really and he looked like
he was depressed or something if you hurry he might
still be there - "

Heero didn't listen to the rest as he ran in the
direction the man had pointed, not bothering to chase
after them when they ran away.  He didn't know what
they were running for until he saw Duo's broken body. 
The tied end of the braid was still in his mouth, but
the other end had come unraveled from where he had
been thrown about.  He was laying in a puddle of blood
and hair, naked as the day he was born.

Heero cursed, running to Duo's side and praying that
the man he loved was still alive.  "Duo," he called
softly, pulling the braid out of the boy's mouth as he
gently moved him onto his back.  "Duo, come on, wake
up."

Duo coughed as Heero lightly stroked his hair.  His
eyes opened to slits, not even half-way.  "Heero?"

"Shh, I'm here.  I'm here now.  It's going to be okay.
I'm going to call Quatre, I need you to hang in there
for me."

"Heero, I'm sorry," Duo whispered, but before Heero
could as what for, Duo was unconscious once more.

Heero pulled out the cell phone and dialed the safe
house.

"Hello?" Quatre answered.

"04, get your asses down here now.  Duo's been beaten,
and is sitting in a see of blood."

"Heero calm down, where are you?"

"They even cut his hair, the bastards!"

"Heero!"

"I'm by Vine street at the edge of town.  Get down
here now, Quatre.  Heero out."

Heero hung up and began to do what he could for Duo
while he waited for help to arrive.

//It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.//

Heero waited patiently by the side of the hospital
bed.  The doctors here were nice, and friendly, but in
no way were they the professionals that Duo so dearly
needed.  Wufei had put in a call to Sally Po not too
long ago, and the outraged doctor was on her way, but
Duo's condition had already been deemed stable.

Heero was caught between weeping and going out to find
the bastards who had done this to the man he had just
about been ready to confess his love to.  Not knowing
whether to scream or cry, Heero simply took Duo's
cleaned hand, now free from the blood it had carried
not so long ago.

He had read the report.  Duo had been beaten.  Duo had
been raped.  Repeatedly.

Someone was going to pay.

But not now.  Heero's near photographic memory had its
perks.  As well as remembering exactly how he had
found Duo, he remembered every face in the gang that
he had passed.

They were all going to die.

Heero rubbed his arm, feeling guilty about not being
there for his friend.  If that.  He hoped Duo would
still accept him as his friend after what had
happened.

"Duo..."

"Heero?" Duo whispered, and Heero looked up, but found
that the wounded boy was only talking in his sleep, as
he had been for a while now.  The doctors had said
that it wasn't unusual for patients to talk
immediately after, but soon he might stop.  Either
that or wake up.  Heero hoped it was the later.

"I'm sorry, Heero..."

"You're sorry?" Heero asked, incredulous.  "Duo,
you've got nothing to be sorry for!  I'm the one whose
sorry.  I should have realized something was wrong
sooner.  Gods, Duo, why didn't you just come upstairs
like you usually do?"

"Didn' wanna bother you..."

Heero realized that Duo was actually responding, even
though he was still asleep, and pressed the call
button for the nurse.

"You weren't bothering me, Duo," he said as he saw
Wufei and Quatre follow the nurse in.  Trowa stood by
the door, and everyone knew it was because he was
plagued by memories of a frighteningly similar
situation.  "Why did you think you were bothering me?"

"'m always a nuisance..."

Wufei gasped in alarm.

//It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.//

Wufei gasped in alarm, moving to kneel next to Heero,
his face as white as the sheet Duo lay on.  "Sweet
Nataku; Duo, I was talking about the *dog*."

The nurse held her breath as she understood some of
the situation, and went to inform the doctors that
their charge was waking up, knowing that he was in
good hands.

"Dog...?"

"Yes," Heero answered, "Dog.  I...I had Wufei and
Quatre go out and buy a puppy for you.  To...to
celebrate."

"You...?"  Heero didn't know what to say, so he
remained silent.  Quatre went to comfort Trowa, the
pain in the room being too great for him.  He had
intended to comfort Trowa, but ended up being
comforted and held in the taller man's arms instead.

"Why?" Duo finally asked.

"Be...because I love you," Heero answered.  And sure,
he wasn't eloquent with words and he rarely knew what
to say, he didn't know how to handle emotional crisis,
and he wasn't very good at handling his OWN emotions,
but he had thought he got that right.

"I love you," Heero repeated, and went to stroke Duo's
face.

It hurt when Duo flinched, moving away.

"I'm sorry," Heero offered.  Wufei left to fend off
the doctors for a few minutes and give them time to
themselves.

"How..." Duo croaked, then tried again, his eyes still
closed and seeing images that he didn't want to see
again.  "How can you love me?  How can you love me
now?  I don't need your PITY, Heero."  Duo coughed,
interrupting himself.  "I'm dirty, Heero.  My...my
hair, they cut it.  I have nothing left.  How could
you possibly love me?"

"Duo, look at me, please; open your eyes."

Slowly, Duo did as he was asked.  His violet eyes were
filled with hurt, and pain, and fear.  It hadn't hurt
so much when Wufei had said it, at least it hadn't
been Heero.  But to have Heero sit there and LIE to
him...

But Heero never lied.

"Hmm, they look like the same eyes to me, but they're
sad.  And I like them happy.  You were happy when you
talked to me."  He raised Duo's hand close to his
face.  "I loved you before...that's what the puppy was
for.  I was going to tell you tonight.  Wufei was
upset because he had to take care of it.  I loved you
before, and I still love you now."

There were tears in Duo's eyes as he stared at the
ceiling.

"Sally's on her way, Duo, and I'm going to leave you
in her care."  Duo cursed himself for hoping, looking
at the wall opposite Heero.  Heero, perfect soldier,
was leaving him again.  His lies hurt more than ever.

Since when did Heero lie?

Heero's hand cupped his chin, forcing Duo to look at
him.  "I'm going to go out and kill those bastards
that hurt you," he said, "and then I'm coming back
home."

Duo couldn't speak.  It was too much, too soon.

Heero stood and left, and at the same time Sally
walked in.

Duo barely had time to wonder if they had it timed
before he passed out.  The only thing he was grateful
for was that he hadn't realized how much pain he was
in; the doctors had doped him up on painkillers.

//It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,//

Heero was pissed.  That was putting it mildly.  VERY
mildly.

Stalking the streets in Duo's 'hunting' outfit, which
he had dragged out of the closet the moment he had
gotten in the safe house, he sought his pray.  The
skintight leather was looser on Duo's smaller frame,
but Heero hadn't minded loosing his underclothes in
order to wear it.

Now he glared into dark corners the very image of
death itself, and he would be sure that someone paid
very dearly for what they had done.

A half hour after having left the hospital, Heero
found his unfortunate prey, tackling the beer at
Marisons' bar.  Walking calmly up to them, he stood in
the face of the leader, so close he could smell the
light wine that mixed with the beer on the man's
breath.

"You hurt my love," Heero stated calmly.

"Whaddya mean?"

"You hurt my love.  You raped him. You cut his braid. 
Now you must pay."

"Who the hell are you?"

"You don't remember me?  'I'm looking for my friend,
he has a meter long braid'?"  Heero smirked as their
drunken minds processed this.  "Oh yes, now you
remember.  How rude of me not to give my name, don't
you think.  My name is Death, and I have come to claim
your souls."

The normal patrons had cleared out of the bar the
moment Heero had entered, even old man Marison
himself.  Heero slammed his fist into the drunken
man's gut.

"There are eight of you, each an ex-OZ soldier.  I
will hunt down each of you," he whispered, before
backing off, allowing the other three who had come
with their leader to circle him.  "Actually, I'm
surprised that you didn't realize who we were, being
ex-OZ and all.  You didn't realize that the man you
raped was a Gundam pilot, the self-proclaimed
Shinigami.  He was upset, and didn't fight.  That was
my fault.  I have come to rectify that."

"Who are you?" a white-faced man, who wasn't all that
drunk yet, asked.  Heero recognized him as the one who
had given him directions, and pulled out a
switchblade, letting the knife twirl in his fingers.

"You don't know me yet, now, come on.  It's not like
Zero was that hard to miss, after all.  You'd have to
be blind to miss him.  I'm better known for piloting
Wing, though."  Heero snickered, "Her royal highness
tended to follow him around, after all."

"Pilot 01."

Heero smirked, a man possessed, and went in for the
kill.

//and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.//

Duo panted, trying not to move.  He lay with his legs
spread on the bed as Wufei gently applied the salve
that Sally had given him to the inside of his legs. 
"God, Fei, that hurts."

"I know.  I'm sorry."

Duo could only pant in response, and clench his teeth
to try and bare the pain.

"Sally should be back to check on you soon, she just
thought that you'd be more comfortable with a more
familiar face to do this."

Duo nodded, hurting to badly to be embarrassed.  "God,
why can't they just dope me up again?"

"What they used has an addictive property if used too
much or too often.  They didn't want you to become an
addict, so they cut it, and replaced it with something
milder, since you seemed to be resting ok.  You can
also take sleeping pills with the new painkiller,"
Wufei explained.

"Addict.  Right.  Don't want that," Duo panted.  He
was sweating when Wufei finished.

"I'm sorry, Duo."

"Not you're fault.  My own stupid fault."

"Not that.  Never that," Wufei admonished.  "No one
deserved this, no matter who.  Let's just say it's the
fault of those soldiers and leave it at that, all
right?"

Duo nodded.

"Now, I believe you have a visitor," Wufei commented,
as he left.  Heero walked in, a bouquet of roses in
his hand.  Wufei nodded to Heero as he left, and Heero
returned it, walking to Duo's side.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Kinda, what're the roses for?"

"They're for you."  Duo raised an eyebrow in question.
"There's a black rose in here for every man who was
there, and two red for every one of those men that I
killed in return.  There were eight, and there are
sixteen red roses in here.  All those men are dead
now, they won't hurt you."

"Thank you," Duo whispered, looking down.

"You deserved retribution.  Since you were unable to
do it yourself, I did it for you.  I must admit, I
feel better now, as well."

"Really?"

"Yes," Heero nodded.  "Beating the crap out of those
men really felt good.  No one hurts you without
getting hurt back two-fold."

"How did you know?"

"When I went looking for you, I saw them, and when I
asked around, they were the only ones who knew where
you were.  They also acted guilty when I asked, before
I even knew what was wrong," Heero explained as he
filled the vase with water and set it by the window.

Duo fidgeted nervously.  "Heero, did you mean what you
said before?" he asked.

"I'm certain, but I don't think you are," Heero
commented as he walked toward the hurt and confused
boy.  "Maybe this will prove my point."  Heero kissed
him, softly and gently, on the lips, careful not to
touch anyplace that would hurt.

"I-I think that does," Duo commented, breathless, when
they pulled away.  "Can...Can I have a hug?"

"Of course," Heero said, and granted the now
short-haired boy's wish.

//When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,//

Heero awoke to soft sobs coming from the body next to
him.  It had been some time since Duo had been
released from the hospital, and they had moved to
escape the bad memories, but the boy still woke to
nightmares, and only the presence of one of the other
pilots would calm him.

Gently bringing the smaller boy into his arms, Heero
toyed with the slight curl at the end of the chestnut
locks.  They gave Duo a cute, almost school-boyish
look, and Heero had taken a liking to playing with
them.  The puppy that he had bought, which Duo had
named Wing, lay at the foot of the bed, and was
looking up at his masters with large eyes.

Heero made a shushing motion, and patted the bed
beside him.  Wing obliged, crawling up and laying
down, curled into Heero's hip.

Heero was surprised when Duo started to stroke the
dog's back.  "You're awake."  It was a statement of
fact.

"Yeah.  Thanks.  For not leaving, you know.  I-I
dreamt about it again.  It was horrible," Duo buried
his face into Heero's nightshirt.  "They just kept
hacking at my hair and dangling it infront of me, and
then they'd beat me and leave me, but that wasn't the
worst part.  The worst part was that I was screaming
and calling, and no one would come.  I was all alone,
and then they just LEFT me there, and no one would
help me, cause I was too dirty, and I was just too
bloody and poor to mess with..."

Duo trailed off, not really hearing what he was
saying.  "You know," he spoke up again, "I keep
expecting to wake up and REALLY find myself all alone.
It's like this is all a dream or something, or a
horrible nightmare.  And I'll wake up all alone, and
still be on the streets of L2, ducking guards,
stealing for food..."

"Shh...love, it's okay.  It's not a dream.  You're
SAFE.  I'll protect you."

"Promise?"

"Promise, and you know I would never break that
promise."

//and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,//

Wufei sat in the backyard, watching the sun set over
the horizon.  He admired what Duo and Heero had found,
but he still felt guilty over the part he had played. 
In his opinion, Heero should have added one more black
rose to that bouquet, and Wufei would gladly offer
himself up for Heero's revenge.

Heero didn't see it that way, though, and neither did
Duo.  Both thought that it was just a simple
misunderstanding.

How could he tell them that not a few years ago he
very well could have been talking about the pilot of
DeathScythe?  Would they ever forgive him?

Of course they would, just like Nataku had, when he
had called her Meiran and had just stood there while
she fought to protect him.

They wouldn't dare accuse a friend.

That's why he had to do things himself.  He wasn't
strong enough to win their friendship, or their
respect.  He didn't DESERVE it, and so, he would do
what was meant to be done from the very beginning.

Wufei pulled out the razor he had slipped into his
pants pocket when he had left the bathroom, his eyes
never leaving the perfect sky.

Just one last sun set, one last night watching the
stars come out, and then, in the darkness, under the
light of the moon, he would end the suffering he had
caused.

The stars arrived quickly, as if urging him on, but he
waited for the moon to rise, if only so he could make
certain that he made no mistakes.

He looked down at the razor, and took it to his left
arm.  The moon rose, casting an eerie light over the
hilly land.

The blade dug into his arm, and he drug it up along
the vein.

"Wufei?" Heero called.

No, no, it was too soon.  It wasn't finished yet. 
Wufei couldn't answer.

"Wufei, it's getting late.  Duo's worried.  Are you
out here?"

Shaking, Wufei transferred the blade to his other
hand, almost awed by the streaming trails of red, but
unable to watch them for fear that he wouldn't finish.

"Wufei?  WUFEI!!"

Wufei's world went black before he could cut into the
second arm.

//just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows//

Once more the five pilots were in the hospital.  This
time, though, it was Wufei that they anxiously waited
on information for.

Sally exited the sterile room a few minutes after Duo
had - painfully - begun pacing.  "He's stable, but
it's not good," she announced.  "He was truly trying
to kill himself - he cut along the vein.  My god,
boys, what happened?"

Duo burst into tears.  "It's my fault.  He kept
blaming himself for my attack, I just didn't see it. 
He wanted help, I think, but I just couldn't see it. 
I should have done something!  He has to live, Sally! 
Please, please, just tell me he'll live!"

"He'll live, yes, but I suggest he go into therapy.  I
think you all should."

"Therapy?"

"Yes.  There's different kinds, of course, but I think
you should try this method," Sally said as she reached
around a counter, pulling out a pamphlet for them. 
"It's been around for a while, and has been quite
effective in the past.  It dropped out of use when
people moved into space, but it's still had noteworthy
progress, especially with this type of.. injury.  It's
different, it uses horses as a form of therapy.  Kinda
like a kid will try not to get into trouble so that he
can care for his pet.  I think that it might have what
it takes to pull Wufei out of this.  You guys are also
to keep him company, although, truthfully, I think you
need it too.  The hospital will cover the cost, and
I'll fee the Preventors for whatever it doesn't.  Une
can get it for me.  Just, please, try it?"

"Thank you, Sally.  We will," Heero answered.

Later, when they were allowed in, both Heero and Duo
brought Wufei a dozen red roses each.  Right in the
center of each bouquet there was also a single black
rose, making the number a baker's dozen.

Wufei cried.

//lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.//